Love… the ever splendored thing. The thing that songs and poems are written about. The thing that people live for. The thing that people die for. “The thing”. Fitting actually. *cue creepy sci-fi music here*
When I was 21 years old, and in an exciting new relationship, I was trying to think up a screen name for my email address. I came up with “Jazzeykitten”. I thought “Jazz Cat” at first (jazz being probably my top favorite genre of music), but then I felt that I would sound like an old black man with a Yahoo, Xanga, Myspace, Facebook, and later on a Twitter account. Finally I settled upon Jazzeykitten. It sounded… jazzy. Happy. Free. And even just the slightest bit cuddly.
10 years later, and I’m “Jaded”. During my divorce proceedings earlier this year, I even questioned my divorce attorney about how hard it would be to change my last name to Giada… which means “Jade” in French.
Today, I’ve been surrounded by conversations about love. Steeped in love. Or the hate of love. The whole love/hate garbley gook that I often find myself at a loss of words for. I supported friends during their struggles with love as best I could… ya know, being jaded and all. I remember taking notice of a friend of mine earlier today when he got a distant and sad look in his eyes, and I knew. I just knew that the look splayed across his face… yes, even this was love. Wuv. Twue wuv. But my question and answer to the conversations over the course of the day has been, “Why? Why do we do this to ourselves?” Okay, well, I mostly thought it, but I did ask that question of one friend. She couldn’t even look at me she was so pissed off, and her eyes were glazed as I held myself back from pulling her to me and holding her as she said, “Why?” and she shook her head sadly. “I love him. I do. I just love him.”
And I wonder if it’s ever easy. I have cried. I have begged. I have given my all. I have fought tooth and nail. I know I’m no different than most people. I hear people say so flippantly, “It’s love. It’s supposed to be easy!” Heh. Give me a break. It is indeed love.Fleeting, stupid, nefarious, infamous love.